June 2013
my sister sent me a text saying “for the next 30 years you have to live with one person in the same room all the time. afterwards you have to kill them. would you choose someone you like or someone you hate?”
I have never been more distraught in my entire life
one of the most annoying things about me is that i constantly need to be reassured that you haven’t started hating me for some reason
- pickup line: i told my therapist about you
if you had to choose between living in the pokemon universe and world peace who would your starter be
how hot does it actually need to be before u can drop it
partybarackisinthehousetonight:
we’re a very non-traditional family. instead of naming our dog, we let our dog name us. my name is Woof, and i’d like you to meet my husband, Woof. these are my kids Woof and Woof
wish i was witty and cute but instead im sarcastic and annoying
more metal than the left side of the periodic table
The oldest person alive was born on April 19, 1897, meaning that April 18th, 1897 was approximately the last time the Earth was inhabited by an entirely different set of people and if you don’t think that’s the realist shit ever then you can get right on outta town
[breaks into ur house] gET THE FUCK UP WE’RE SAVING ROCK AND ROLL
I Was Trying To Be Funny But It Came Out as Really Mean: A 5-part documentary starring me.
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart
In Korea, Wisdom Teeth are called Love Teeth (사랑니), because they say that they grow when you're ready to fall in love.
dont you love that feeling where you and your best friend are just with each other laughing so hard at something so simple and you can’t breathe and its just feels like the whole world just goes in slow motion and you just feel pure happiness and you just are so full of brightness and everything is funny and you feel like everything is going to be okay and anything is possible
she said spank me and i slapped her with the word of the lord
Shine bright like a washed nintendog
what if tattoos just randomly appeared on our skin at key points in our lives and we had to figure out what they meant for ourselves
